I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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