OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
