What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
