My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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