Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
