Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize