Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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