You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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