Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
