Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
