I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
