Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
