If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I have aggressive nipples.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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