If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
