i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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