Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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