The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
