That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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