You work out of a Hotel?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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