My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize