if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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