You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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