I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
