I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
