I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
