I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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