Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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