my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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