I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
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