Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize