Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
