Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
