he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
