Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize