im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
