I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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