my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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