Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
