Walk of Shame. In a state park.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
