Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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