brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
