After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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