super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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