i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
