i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
