My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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