Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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