Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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