You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
