i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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