Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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