That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
