I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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