All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
