I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
