alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
