Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
