my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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