I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Randomize
