We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
