Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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