i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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