Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize