i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
