just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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