I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
