i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
