Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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