I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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