Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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