it wasn't lemon gatorade
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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