You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
