we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
