I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
