In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
