READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Boobs speak an international language.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
