and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
