a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just saw a hot homeless man
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
