Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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