Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
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