Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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