I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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