so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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