I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
dude i'm inner monologue high
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
