There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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