My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
