I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
