Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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