Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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