dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
