im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
