Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
