ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
