turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
