Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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