when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
