Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
