i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
It's not a walk of shame if you run
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
