how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
