as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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