i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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