dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize