my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
