can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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