If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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