i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
