the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
