Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
