I want to make a zoo with you.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
