I bet he comes in French.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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