if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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